"Are you sure about that, Larrabee?"

From the mailbox, a voice emerged. "The information comes from my best source, 86."

"I'll inform the Chief right away!"

As he started to leave, the voice called after him, "86! Wait!"

"What is it?"

A hand emerged from a hidden hatch, holding a letter. "This one's for you, Max."

"Why, thank you, Larrabee." The hand lingered, fingers rubbing against thumb expectantly. "Is there anything else, Larrabee?"

"Five cents postage due, Max."

Max paid the postage, hopped in his Sunbeam Tiger and sped off to CONTROL Headquarters.

Inside the super secret offices of the super secret spy agency, Max headed straight for the Chief's office.

"Chief," he announced, "I have information of the highest urgency. Information that could change the balance of power in the world as we know it!" He slammed his fist on the desk for emphasis, launching a pen through the air and narrowly missing the Chief's eye. "Sorry about that, Chief."

"Never mind that, 86. What's this information you have?"

"Chief, this is so secret and sensitive, I suggest we use the Cone of Silence."

The Chief rolled his eyes, but nodded. "Very well, 86." He pushed a button and the twin transparent domes descended from the ceiling. "Go ahead, 86."

"Yes, well, it seems that KAOS has succeeded in developing the world's first *** ray, and are planning to use it very soon."

"A what ray?"

"A *** ray!"

"I can't understand you, 86."

Raising his voice, Max shouted, "A *** RAY!!"

The Chief shook his head. "Still nothing."

Thinking fast, Max ducked his head from under the cone and signaled the Chief to do the same. Whispering, he repeated, "I said a sex ray, Chief."

"Oh!"

Back under the cone, Max continued. "When activated, the ray completely obliterates a man's ability to think or do anything that isn't related to sex. He becomes a veritable sex-robot, with no capacity to function whatsoever except to satisfy an unquenchable sexual appetite! Furthermore, his, um, sexual organ experiences no, er, withering effect after each act, but is ready for more immediately. He'll sex with anything that moves and continue in this way until he collapses from exhaustion."

"Good heavens, 86, do you realize what this means?"

"Yes, I do, Chief. It means we're joining KAOS."

"No! It means we have to stop them. If they succeed in deploying this new weapon, our country will be ruined. KAOS will be able to take over and we'll be powerless to stop them!"

"But happy, nonetheless."

Ignoring him, the Chief, issued his instructions. "Now listen carefully, 86. Here's what you need to do. Round up all available CONTROL agents and notify the CIA and FBI as well. Put men on every known KAOS field station to monitor their activities for anything suspicious. Activate the INTERPOL alert system to watch for overseas threats. I want you to follow every lead, and keep me informed of every step. Did you get all that?"

"Not quite all of it, Chief."

"What part didn't you get?"

"The part after 'Here's what you need to do'."

Later, as Max was briefing another agent, a loud ringing sounded. "Hold on, 42," he said, "I think that's my shoe." He took off his shoe, flipped out the mouthpiece, and held it to his ear. "Hello? ... Yes ... Yes ... Yes ... Yes ... Yes ... Y- I mean, no ... Yes ... Mm hm ... You don't say? ... Right, thanks!"

"Who was that?" asked Agent 42.

"Wrong number. Anyway, as I was saying-" The shoe rang again. "Hello? Chief? What's that? I'll get right over there!"

"Now what?"

"99's been kidnapped!"

Max jotted down the suspected location where 99 was being held and drove off like a maniac. Soon he was speeding through a deserted stretch of countryside. In the distance, he noticed a hot air balloon hovering only ten or fifteen feet above the road. Just as he drove under it, the bottom of the basket opened like a trap door, spilling out dozens of chickens.

The frightened fowl fell right on top of Max in his open convertible. They pecked and scratched at him. He flailed about wildly, trying to get the birds off him. Losing control of the car, he skidded off the road and plunged into a ditch.

Fortunately, the sudden stop sent most of the chickens sailing out of the car, and Max was able to fling off the few remaining birds. Panting and covered with feathers, but mostly unfazed, he got out of the car to assess the damage. His Sunbeam Tiger was a wreck; he'd have to continue on foot.

As he brushed the feathers off his suit, he scanned the horizon, searching for other potential traps. To himself, he muttered, "The old chickens-in-the-hot-air-balloon trick. That's the second time this month!"

The location the Chief had given him was about a mile further down the road. He started off but saw nothing in the area except an old, dilapidated barn. That had to be it, he thought. Clever, but not clever enough!

At the door of the barn, he crouched and peered in through a gap created by a few missing boards. Inside he saw hay strewn about and not much else, except for a solitary shadowy figure, a slender woman standing in the middle of the barn with her hands bound high overhead.

"99..." he muttered to himself.

Suspecting a trap, he carefully opened the door just enough to creep inside. With a better view now, he could see that the woman was definitely 99 and she was definitely alone. They must have abandoned her, he thought.

From his new vantage, he could also see her predicament better. Her hands were tied so high above her, that only the tips of her toes made contact with the ground. Her white blouse was completely unbuttoned and the cups of her bra had been pulled down. But instead of seeing the rosy tips of her delicate breasts, Max saw instead the jaws of some kind of spring-loaded clamps biting down on her poor nipples.

Her navy blue skirt appeared intact, but between her legs a metal tube extended up from the floor and disappeared behind the dark material. A mysterious whirring sound emanated from the area. Upon this wicked perch, 99 moaned and gyrated her hips.

Max stepped toward her. At the sound of his approach, 99 twisted around and saw him. He could see now that her mouth was covered by a wide strip of tape. Her eyes widened. "Math!" she shouted.

"99," said Max, his voice tinged with annoyance, "this is no time for doing arithmetic."

"Math!" she repeated. "Mee-hime oo."

Max shook his head. "99, I can't understand a word you're-"

Then he heard it, too. A footstep behind him. He spun around and found himself face to face with a huge gorilla of a man. The sneering henchman appeared to be unarmed. Max drew his own gun and aimed it at him.

"Well, well," said Max coolly. "Typical KAOS goon. Too dopey to imagine I'd be ready to get the drop on you." The man took a menacing step toward him. Max squeezed the trigger.